Like many, I hold myself to impossibly high standards. With a book about to launch, my inner critic has fired up his cigar and is in hyper-drive. I decided to go ahead and write the  (mostly) worst book reviews I could imagine. It’s cathartic. In the spirit of helping a Type-A control freak not take herself so seriously, would you indulge me?

The (Mostly) Worst Book Reviews I Can Imagine

“This is the best book I’ve ever read!!!!!!! Two enthusiastic thumbs up! Three if I had them.” – My Grandma

“Victoria is a really great person. You’ll love her. And you should read her book.” – My Mom

“Too short. Not nearly magical enough. It’s no Harry Potter.” – J.K. Rowling

“Victoria must have slept through her literature classes. We claim no responsibility for this travesty.” – My Professors

“No. Just no.” – The National Book Award panel

“I imagine I’ll be permanently scarred from the lack of attention I received during the writing of this book. You don’t even want to know the present sanitary conditions of our home. Mom has really let herself go.” – My Daugther

“If this is fantasy, I’m a centaur.” – C. S. Lewis

“The narrative is clumsy, dialogue painful,  characters flat, and language elementary. Mrs. Wilson has done the unthinkable – presumed to call herself an author of a book. Save your money for a lovely bottle of wine or fine art. I cannot believe we squandered our time reading this so-called novel.” – Literary critics everywhere, especially in New York City

“Victoria’s book is a great first go at a novel. I enjoyed reading it and think you’ll enjoy it, too! It’s not perfect, but it’s a solid start. Her writing develops all the time, so keep coming back for more.” – Anyone who knows Me

Part of 31 Days to Self-Publishing A Book.


  1. Lauren on October 20, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    This is great! I think there is something refreshing about being able to not take yourself so seriously and to let go of the world’s demand for human approval. You are approved! Book or no book!

    • Victoria on October 20, 2014 at 2:45 pm

      Thanks Lauren! I *completely* agree. My husband is so great to constantly remind me that I am preapproved, and to place my identity in Christ and not as a ‘writer’ (or ‘wife’ or ‘mom’ for that matter!)

    • Sarah M on October 20, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Yes, I love this comment!

  2. Sarah M on October 20, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Ha! I love these. You know what? If J.K. Rowling read your book, good or bad review, I’d say that is a TOTAL WIN!
    Sarah M

    • Victoria on October 20, 2014 at 3:40 pm

      LOL That’s a very good point Sarah…

  3. […] My Own Worst Critic […]

  4. Samantha McGowan on October 27, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Not going to lie – this made me laugh out loud. I’m still giggling!!

    We are we so terrible to ourselves?! Goodness, we’re the worst.

    I promise to give you my unbiased feedback after I read your book, Victoria, and I’m sure it will be nothing like any of these (except maybe your grandma’s 🙂 )

    • writer on October 27, 2014 at 6:27 pm

      Bwaha Samantha! 🙂 Thank you! Glad it made you laugh! And I do look forward to your unbiased feedback 🙂

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.