Second babies are funny. On the one one hand, you’re more comfortable in your mommy skin. The little things don’t seem so big. You’re more confident. Expectations are realistic. Joy is easier to find.
On the other hand, you now have two babies. More responsibility and limited time. Two sets of completely different needs. One Mommy.
About a year after Carson’s birth, I wrote about when the fog clears. I wouldn’t say I’ve experiened fogginess lately. But I have gained my bearings.
My first day wrangling two under two all by my lonesome was so daunting. Two felt like the biggest number in the world. But now? Six months into this two-under-two life? I feel like I’ve gained ground. My step is sure. Our infant baby carrier fits neatly in the crook of my arm and I’ve got ninja-like reflexes when I need to grab my toddler’s hand. Am I exhausted at the end of the day? Obviously. But I feel more myself. Just a full-hands-full-heart version of myself.
Pressing into the Lord. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given that encouragement to new moms, only a few years behind me in their journies. “Press into the Lord.” And I mean it. When you’re so weary and you don’t think you can possibly clean up another mess or wipe off another bottom, press into the Lord. Throw your hands up and wrap them around the neck of your Heavenly Father.
I’ve heard it told that Susanna Wesley would place an apron on her head when she needed a quiet moment to pray. I love that. What a smart lady. I don’t typically wear an apron (because, 21st century), but I have increasingly taken to throwing my gaze to the ceiling and telling the Lord aloud, “I can’t do this. Help me, Jesus!” (Sounds a great deal like childbirth, doesn’t it?)
I have gained my bearings because my bearings are in the Lord. I’m so feeble. At times it feels that my weeks are full of getting kicked in the teeth; knock-down-drag-out fights with life. It’s not that Jesus is akin to a wrestling coach, mopping my sweat and giving me a drink in the corner of the ring. Jesus fights for me.
“[He] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” // 2 Corinthians 12:9
Press onward by pressing Heavenward. Let your inability demonstrate Christ’s total ability. Gain your bearings.