My daughter is one month old. During the first four weeks of her life, I’ve become well acquainted with a new operating procedure known as ‘Mommy Mode’. In other words, the inability to go more than sixty seconds without worrying over her welfare. Like clockwork Mommy Mode sends me into a barrage of diagnostic questions every five minutes. Is she hungry? Is her tummy upset? Am I stimulating her too much? Am I not stimulating her enough? Is she breathing? Does she still have ten fingers and ten toes? Why won’t she go to sleep? Is she sleeping too much?
I fear that this MO is going to last quite a while, and by “quite a while” I mean until the day I die.
A few times since she’s been born we’ve left our little love in the very capable hands of her grandparents, kicking Mommy Mode into hyper drive. Driving away from little Carson is heart wrenching. Not because I don’t want a break or trust her caretakers, but because she depends on me for survival. I’m the source of her next meal. I’m the voice that calms her when she’s fussy. I’m her mom. But, you see, I’ve tricked myself into thinking that I’m her sole provider. I forget that the Lord watches the city.
As I mentioned in her birth story, Psalm 127 has been a sort of anthem for our new family. One verse in particular has been incredibly comforting to me when Mommy Mode spirals out of control.
Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.
What happens when the watchman is asleep (or running an errand by herself)?
The Lord watches the city.
My husband and I have been ordained by God to be Carson’s parents. We have not, however, been ordained to be God. Our job is to be faithful stewards of this little bundle of joy, but to hold her loosely. The Lord is a better parent to Carson than we could ever be. She is not ‘ours’, even though we would like to trick ourselves into thinking so.
During this process of pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering I’ve been amazed at how many times I’ve had to simply trust that my Father in Heaven truly is sovereign over all things. The truth is that unless the Lord is watching over our household, all our watching is for nothing. May we all continue to lay our concerns and fears at the feet of our Father, who cares for us – and who keeps a weather eye on the horizon for our good and His glory.
What about you? Do you have trouble trusting that the Lord watches the city when you are asleep? Or does it come very naturally? Can you sympathize with ‘Mommy Mode’ hyperdrive? I’d love to hear your story!