Losing Steam
Talking to my husband can be terrifying because he knows me so intimately, part of that niggly “naked and unashamed” detail of marriage. Hiding is not an option.
He also has an annoying uncanny ability to put the vulnerable pieces of my Ramblings together.
During our recent date night he quietly listened in typical introverted fashion as I shared my plans and dreams for this blog with him, nodding so I knew he was following along. I must have talked a great deal about my hopes, but also my fears. What if I can’t keep up with the pace I set for myself? What if this little blog doesn’t go anywhere?
Then he carefully responded. “Why are you so afraid of loosing steam?”
Seemingly out of left field (a baseball cliche for you, Ben) at first, that question actually took a line drive to my heart (and another). You see, when I air my plans out in the open, I start to get nervous. Mainly because I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of losing momentum. I’m afraid my grand ideas won’t be so grand after all. I’m afraid of losing steam. And, dare I say it, losing face at the same time. Ouch.
I realized that I’m great with idea generation, but not so much idea implementation. (For me, the gap between the two is filled with people. If others are on board with my ideas, then I find keeping a steady pace is easier. If I have to do the grunt work without support, then I start to slag.)
Ideas followed by inaction aren’t just scary to me, they’re also annoying. When little bits of my brain are scattered incoherently about, I get antsy. Darts of guilt come flying at every corner, demanding answers. “Did you ever finish that project?” and “Weren’t you going to do something with that idea?”
This post is a cathartic one, I’m afraid. It is simply a confession. I’m not sure what it means that I’m afraid to lose steam. I’m also not sure what it means that people seem to propel me forward. And I certainly don’t know what to make of my pride that gets in the middle of it all. But I trust our community is a safe place to air these insecurities (which is the nice word for ‘fear’, isn’t it?).
As I shared with you all recently, sometimes I just write my way around to figure things out.
Can you relate to this fear of losing steam? What gets you motivated? Any tips for me? I’d love to hear what you have to say in the comments!
The one thing I do daily to just keep up the snail pace momentum, is 3 hand-written pages every morning. I’m an early bird and my house is quiet between the hours of 6-8AM. I do lots during this time for myself, not just write, but doing 3 daily pages (from The Artist’s Way) actually helps me loose my censor, makes me feel slightly productive, or just gives me the feeling of “sweeping out the cobwebs” as (either Emily Freeman or) Julia Cameron herself said. Some days it’s agony and somedays I will have one really great sentence, or paragraph, that I can use, and follow.
Along with that, I read one chapter of a writing book and often do the prompt along with it. Today’s bit was from “Bird by Bird” by Anne Lamott, which I just started. It was all about Short Assignments and finishing–today–just the writing that you can ‘see through a one-inch frame’. That’s all you have to do, so she says. 🙂
I’m not sure if any of that is helpful, I only know that motivation, for me, is horrible and lacking if it’s based on my emotions, and would come sporadically. If it’s based on a daily discipline, I can think to myself, “just shutup and do it”, and I’ll get a little bit done every day.
Sarah M
That is MOST helpful Sarah 🙂 Right now, my little one is getting up at 5am to eat. If only I could make myself stay awake after I feed her. LOL I think the smaller writing assignments you mentioned could be attainable goals for me. Discipline, discipline, discipline is the key, I’m hearing.
My goals for my blog this year ask me to blog at least twice a week {easy to measure} and end up with 200 posts in 2014 {meaning I need more than 2 posts per week}. I have found that if there is a theme or a post I do regularly {like Funny Friday or 7 Quick Takes}, that helps me plan a bit better.
In terms of general goals, I know that if I write it down, I am much more likely to accomplish whatever “it” is. Also, I tell people so even if they don’t specifically hold me accountable, my pride holds me to it!
I’ve totally seen that series really helps build the momentum, Beks. (And I love following your series!)
I’ve started and ended probably 3 different blogs before settling on my current one. Before, I had a mind-set that I was *supposed* to be a certain way–supposed to write writer-ly things all the time, supposed to be brilliant all the time, supposed to be attractive in any way possible. The truth is that I was trying to put up what I thought was a proper face and I couldn’t hold up the delusion. I was also younger and wasn’t prepared to make my words and my life my own.
Then I decided to get real–a woman who’s nearly 30 whose single, non-professional, who has doubts about her writing, doesn’t have her life together, and who has mental struggles. It isn’t a pretty picture, but it’s real. Then suddenly my page views are up to 4 digits and people love my blog (mostly friends, but that’s okay). I, too, am afraid that I’ll run out of steam, but as long as I’m keeping it real and know that life changes a lot (on the inside and out) I know that I’ll never run out of material. Let your blog grow with you and stop trying put it in a mold. It’s like putting yourself in a certain mold and not allowing yourself to grow.
“I, too, am afraid that I’ll run out of steam, but as long as I’m keeping it real and know that life changes a lot (on the inside and out) I know that I’ll never run out of material.” Catherine, I so needed to hear that encouragement 🙂 Thank you, friend.
Just remember when a train runs out of steam it is for at least one of to reasons. It has either lost heat in the boiler or water in the tank. Then it is time to stoke the fire or take on more water. And that is why Jesus tells his people the to take our rest in him. The harder and faster a train goes…the more often it needs water for the tank and wood on the fire. The harder and faster we go the more time we need resting in Jesus.
Thanks Dad 🙂 That’s awesome advice. I need to take this before the Lord, specifically. A great reminder!
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