Day 18) “My jaw dropped to the floor. I couldn’t believe…”

My jaw dropped to the floor. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to someone who wasn’t ready. Not to someone who can’t cook a decent meal. Not to someone who already has problems keeping a clean laundry basket. Not to a newlywed, for goodness’ sake!

But it was happening.

It already happened.

I was pregnant.

Actually, I wasn’t even the first person to hear the news. Having dutifully taken the most nerve-wracking test of my life, I couldn’t even bear to see the grade. I asked my husband to do the honors.

“Honey, what am I looking for?”

“Pink lines,” I squeaked, “You’re looking for two pink lines.”

Silence.

“I’m looking at two pink lines,” he said.

“Are they really pink, or kind of a faint pink?” I suppose I was hoping for some sort of curve.

“Babe, they’re pretty pink,” came the response.

I started shaking uncontrollably. Ben emerged from our tiny bathroom with a soft smile on his face. He was glowing. I was sobbing. He reached out his arms for me, and I folded myself against his chest. My lungs heaving and vision getting blurry.

“We’re going to have a baby, we’re going to have a baby.” We repeated that phrase over and over again, the truth hitting us in little waves every time it was uttered.

I’ve heard people talk about pregnancies being “unplanned” or “unexpected”. While I do use those words from time to time when explaining to others how I was married in January 2013 and will be cradling a newborn in January 2014, I know better. The Lord planned our pregnancy, it wasn’t unexpected to Him. Though I still experience sensations of fear and uncertainty, a little nudge from our daughter saying, “Hi mom, I’m here,” dispels them. Sensations of wonder, delight, anticipation, and praise quickly take their place.

We’re going to have a baby.

“My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”
Psalm 139:15

13 Comments

  1. Amanda on October 18, 2013 at 9:02 am

    I can completely identify with all of those feelings! It brings back the memory of that day when I found out we were going to be parents. I was at home on my day off, and my legs felt weak, my knees buckled, and I burst into tears. I felt like my life was ruined. We had only been married 7 weeks, we had a tiny house, and I just started grad classes. We said no kids for two years.
    I tried calling the husband at work, but he didn’t answer. I called 3 more times over the next hour, and still no answer. He finally called after 2 excruciatingly long hours, asking if everything was ok. When I told him the news, he just said “um…. Lemme call you back.” WHAT? Apparently he wanted to go outside so his coworkers couldn’t hear. When he called back a minute later, he said, ” You’re sure? THATS AWESOME!!” And then he laughed. And then I knew it would all be ok.
    My domestic and cooking skills have gotten marginally better, but I’m still terrible with time management. Luckily, Dan’s expectations and standards of cleanliness have come down a few notches as we both get more and more used to tiny fingerprints and crumbs everywhere. I’m not sure what I did to be so blessed.

    • Victoria Wilson on October 18, 2013 at 9:53 am

      I’m finding so many fellow expecting newlyweds! Thanks for reading and sharing YOUR story, Amanda 🙂 And that’s a hilarious reaction from your husband, too great! Glad it’s working out well, somehow it always does when the Lord is in it, Amen?

      • Amanda on October 18, 2013 at 9:33 pm

        Absolutely Amen! We make our plans, and God just chuckles and says “I know a better one.” We can’t work it out better if we tried.

  2. Sarah M on October 18, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Okay, so I’m not sure if this is just a writing prompt or not, but if it’s not…Congrats! 🙂
    Sarah M

    • Victoria Wilson on October 18, 2013 at 9:48 am

      It was from my prompt, but the words are TOTALLY me! No character POV this time 🙂 It’s really our story, and thanks! 6 months down, 3 to go!

  3. Emma S on October 18, 2013 at 9:48 am

    This is beautiful and so, so real! Thank you for sharing it Victoria <3

  4. Bek on October 18, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    Wow, that definitely is a jaw-dropper! Well told, my friend!

    http://bekscontemplations.blogspot.com/2013/10/31-days-of-writing-day-eighteen-jaw.html

  5. margaret on October 18, 2013 at 4:34 pm

    Wonderful. Just wonderful!

  6. Megan on October 18, 2013 at 10:21 pm

    Love love LOVE this!

  7. Catherine on October 21, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    My sister and brother-in-law got married November 1999 and had their daughter in November 2000. You’re not alone. 🙂 They are now blessed with 4 other children and loving life in spite of the trials. You two will be great parents.

    • Victoria Wilson on October 22, 2013 at 10:12 am

      Thank you Catherine! And thanks for reading, as always, and writing yourself!

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