Apology To My Unborn Daughter

Dear little girl,

It’s hard to write this letter to you. So very hard. It’s hard to admit that I already have to apologize to you before we’ve been introduced, but I must.

I have to apologize to you because I’ve been ashamed of your existence.

Today, I ran into an old mentor from my college days. Since we’re 30 weeks along, this woman could clearly tell I was pregnant. After we chatted for a moment, she asked how I’ve been feeling.

“O, I’m feeling fine,” I said. “I’ve been more excited now that the shock wore off! This whole thing,” I pointed to you, “was definitely a surprise.”

At that moment I wish I could have lassoed my words and stuffed them back in my mouth. I was met with the awful realization that I’ve given a similar answer to many people over the past 30 weeks, people who I think have had more successful lives than I. People who I assume believe I’ve been irresponsible to get pregnant so young. To not have planned better.

Sweetheart, I’ve been ashamed of you.

Please forgive your mama. Forgive me for masking how truly, deeply excited I am to have you in my life. For wanting to keep up some appearance of control by dismissing your importance. Baby girl, your daddy and I are so thrilled that you’ve been woven into the fabric of our family. God has done an amazing work and we thank Him and praise Him often for your life. We pray for you daily. We love you dearly.

Unfortunately this first apology is not the last I will have to offer you. Your mom isn’t perfect and I’ll probably get something else wrong along the way. But, my sweet little girl, I feel you tumbling and rolling around in my womb and I hope that means you’ve forgiven me.

It’s so hard to believe that we will see each other face to face in just 10, short weeks. From this day to your wonderful, glorious birthday I’m not going to be ashamed. I’m going to proudly introduce you to others. “Yes, I’m pregnant!” I’ll announce, “And I couldn’t be happier. This is my little girl,” I’ll say, “and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I love you little girl.

With all of my heart,
Your Mama

11 Comments

  1. Camille Myers-Kouris on November 1, 2013 at 9:29 am

    It’s tough when you’re young (or, young for the social norm). I remember saying those same words repeatedly to classmates, professors, family members, basically everyone that had that look on their face. Inside, I was thrilled and terrified to be a mom, but outside I felt like I had to explain that I hadn’t planned to be a mom at 22.
    So, I’m proud of you for taking away and shame and embracing your little one so wholeheartedly 🙂

  2. Bek on November 1, 2013 at 10:27 am

    I love this, and I admire your boldness for sharing it. I haven’t been there, but I imagine it is a challenging scenario. Thank you for publicly proclaiming your love and excitement for your little chica! 🙂

  3. Teffany on November 1, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    I wrote a letter on paper to my son before he was born, I come across it often and I always stop to read it. He’s 13 years old now, he was planned for about a year in advance before he was conceived. I was almost 21 when I got married. I was 23 when he was born and his dad was 30. People still thought we were to young. I don’t think we were to young, maybe we ere not exactly where we should have been in our lives but we had two full time jobs and was madly, deeply in love and we thought that’s all we needed. Turns out, that’s all it feels like to this day that it takes. If you love who you are married to and you love that little bundle of joy with endless love then God will provide everything else.

    Your little girl will read this someday when shes older and she will know by then that moma and dad loved each other very much and that everything else was in Gods hands after that, and will continue to be Gods plan from then on.

    She will someday be in your shoes, Victoria, and she will understand you words and actions even better. And yes this will be the first of many things you do wrong over the coarse of her lifetime, that’s the joys of being a parent, we learn as we go the rights and wrongs of life and parenting as well as growing up ourselves. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You have a lifetime to show her how much you love her, and that her creation might have been a total surprise but a blessing in advance from God.

  4. Candace Vickery on November 1, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Your not alone! Baby Vickery #2 is on the way and we were a bit surprised. I was afraid of the judgment of others and it was quite paralyzing until God and I had a heart to heart about who really created this baby and whether or not I trusted Him for the PERFECT timing. Needless to say overwhelming joy and excitement about our newest baby fills our home now. Thanks for your honesty and love for your daughter!

    • Victoria Wilson on November 1, 2013 at 10:06 pm

      Thank YOU for your boldness and courage also, Candace! The Lord truly does establish our steps 🙂 Praising God for your little one on the way!

    • Sarah Braswell Baker on November 2, 2013 at 12:28 am

      Congratulations, Candace and congrats, Victoria! I am so thrilled for you two lovely ladies to have such great blessings in your lives. I miss both of your smiling faces, and I hope to see you again someday!

      Victoria, your precious letter made me tear up inside and your words are so pure and spoken with a grateful heart. I know God is pleased with your transparency. Best wishes to you!!! 🙂

      • Victoria Wilson on November 5, 2013 at 8:43 am

        Thank you so much Sarah 🙂 And congrats to YOU for all the excitement that’s been happening in your year!

  5. Ben on November 1, 2013 at 7:11 pm

    Victoria,
    I know your heart and I know that you wrote this with sincerity. I can picture the tears rolling down your face from your genuinely broken heart and that is why you are going to make a great mama to your unborn daughter. You’re going to do just fine because you care so much.

    Love from your brother in Christ,
    – Ben

    • Victoria Wilson on November 1, 2013 at 10:04 pm

      Thank you brother, thank you 🙂 Much love back to you and yours!

  6. Christy Correll on November 15, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    This post was so sweet, I was a hormonal mess of puddles after I initially read it. You are not too young to be a fantastic mom, Victoria. And you are certainly mature enough for the task. As for your career, I understand your concern, but I am fully confidant you will do well wherever God leads you in that area. You are educated, articulate, and you’ve built a good base for a successful career.

    And now you are going to have a beautiful little girl!!!!!! I am so proud of you for so many reasons, including how you made yourself vulnerable in this post. Telling the truth isn’t always pretty. And in cases like this, I’d imagined it took a ton of courage to press the publish button on this one. Love it, love you.

  7. […] the Lord. Whether He put a baby inside of me, or not. I honestly felt at peace either way. With our first pregnancy being met with resentment on my end, that I felt so at peace with the potential of a second baby was a confirmation that God […]

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