A Room of Our Own
I blame Virginia Woolf.
Ever since I read A Room of One’s Own in Women’s Literature I’ve been convinced that every successful writer needs “money and a room of her own”. A separate space to let my creative juices gush. A safe place to let my guard down, to ease into my own skin. Stomping ground that isn’t shared with twenty other soy latte drinking yuppies in Starbucks. You know, a room of one’s own.
Though there are plenty of spaces where I feel inspired to do my work, I’ve never had a room of my own – a studio, an office, a study, a whatever.
Before we were married, the spare room in what would be our little apartment was quickly set aside as Ben’s study. You have only to poke your head through the door to notice an homage to all things theology, baseball, and Ohio State sports. It’s all him. Truth be told, I don’t really mind. My husband is hard at work finishing his degree, serving as an elder in our church, and holding down a full-time job. He totally needs a room of his own. I’m happy to give it.
But what about my room? Where will I be alone with my thoughts? Where will I be able to plaster my metaphoric hand-prints along the walls? I’ve been feeling a bit, well, jealous.
Marriage is about many things. In a word, it’s about oneness. Two becoming one. One sacrificing for the good of the two.
In sacrificing my desire for a room of my own, I’ve gotten something so much better: a room of our own.
We recently rearranged the study to make space for a rather comfy recliner and more desk space for us both to work. The study no longer seems boxed in and closed off, as if there were only room for Ben and, I, the occasional intruder. I can’t deny the study still looks like a man cave, but I’ve felt more comfortable here in the past several weeks. Something about Ben inviting me in, about him giving up his need for privacy to be sensitive to my needs for a writing space. It’s not about giving and taking with us, it’s about giving.
You won’t find anything else more inspiring than generosity.
I’ve not found a greater advocate of my writing than Ben. He’s my number one fan and I’m his cheerleader. Though one day I would love a writer-ly room of my own, for now the steady pace of writing alongside my husband and his gentle encouragement to “go ahead and write” is all the creative space I need.
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Do you consider yourself to be a creative person? If so, do you have a special place to do your work or is a frame of mind all you need? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
It’s so wonderful that you two get to share this! I, sadly, do most of my blogging and writing while sitting on the couch after giving Jace breakfast. With all of us in this size apartment, there’s not really much space for me to have a “room.” When I do need that downtime, I retreat into a hot bath with a good book 🙂
Totally understandable for a busy mamma! I think you speak for a lot of people. I’m truly thinking more and more it isn’t really the physical space that matters as much as the head and heart space. And I’m all about the bubble bath and good book 🙂 Thanks for your comment!
A part of my marriage that was difficult to adjust to was that my husband doesn’t like to be alone. I prized my “alone” time before we got married, and he likes to be with people all the time. Before we got married, I thought I had to have at least 20 minutes to myself in the morning before work and 20 minutes before bed to collect myself, but since getting married, I’ve had to learn how to share all of my space and to be very careful to only ask for be alone when I really, really need it.
It’s difficult, but it’s lovely, because God made us both very differently and seems to delight in putting us together in ways we thought we couldn’t fit.
Sounds like our spouses are exactly opposite, Carla! I’m totally the one who wants to be around people and my husband is the one who needs space to think. Praise God for making straight lines out of crooked sticks like us 🙂 There is a true delight in watching the differences become something else entirely – oneness.