I Don't Want That Much

If you ever see me at a McDonald’s drive thru, you’ll know times are desperate.

Times were desperate.

I needed coffee.

In my caffeinated hierarchy, McDonald’s iced coffee is slightly above gas station coffee. (PSA: Gas station coffee should only be consumed in extreme circumstances. Barring scenarios requiring an Emergency Room or a Law Enforcement Officer, you owe it to your taste buds to find an alternative. The more you know.) Truthfully I wasn’t quite in crisis mode, though I was in rushed-out-the-door-with-a-crying-baby mode. I thought I could make an exception.

I ordered the smallest sized iced hazelnut coffee. To my surprise, such a caffeinated boost can be gotten for a mere dollar.

Pulling up to the window, a Britney Spears mic offered me a whopping, mega-sized vat of iced coffee. (There probably was an employee attached to the Britney Spears mic, but I couldn’t tell.)

“O, I’m so sorry. I ordered a small size.”

“Don’t worry,” said Britney mic, “they’re all the same price.”

“But I don’t want that much.”

“You don’t have to pay any extra. It’s still a dollar.”

“I get that, but I don’t want to drink that much coffee. Could I just get a smaller size?”

—

“If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.” Epictetus