When You're Brought Low

Low feels like being curled on your bathroom floor, hugging the toilet as if it’s your new best friend.

Low feels like explaining to your doctor all the embarrassing, gory details.

Low feels like lying awake at 2am, knowing you’ll be even more exhausted come morning.

Low feels like snapping at your husband, just after he gives you a kiss.

I want to walk with a can-do swagger, slinging a purse on my shoulder while I hike a baby up on my hip because I don’t need any help thankyouverymuch.

At least, I don’t need any help until I faceplant like a fool.

Y’all, I am so quick to rely on my own strength. I’ll beg and plead and pray and ask the Lord to put me back together. And He does. Then I pretend like I’m the one who did all the work. I won’t say it out loud (because that would be uncomfortably honest), but I give myself silent pats on the back. “Well done, Victoria! You’re really nailing this Christian/wife/mom/writer thing. You’re a rockstar!”

Why do I act immune to the grace that saved me?

When You're Brought Low

Low is my own personal reality check.

It’s not pretty, but it is necessary.

It’s not enjoyable, but it is sanctifying.

When you’re brought low you can see matters without the filter of “I’m fine.” 

Will I ever stop needing to be brought low before I look up? To gaze at the God whose grace saved me and sustains me. To “know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.” (Ephesians 1:18)

If low is what it takes to keep me clinging to Christ, then I say, “Bring me lower, Lord.” 

3 Comments

  1. Natasha Red on January 27, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    Woosh. Yes. I just read Isaiah 36-39 this morning and the story of hezekiah taught me a similar lesson. Thanks for sharing.

    • Victoria on January 27, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Natasha, it’s so comforting to know I’m not alone 🙂 Have to go check out Isaiah 36-39.

  2. Carla on January 27, 2015 at 7:10 pm

    “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor. 12:9 (ESV)
    Love you, friend. Thank you for your honesty.

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