A certain person grappling with uncertainty

I must admit that, for the past several months, the place where I sit is rather gray.

I’m a recent college graduate, renting my first apartment, holding down my first job, and working through my first relationship. All of these have one common denominator: uncertainty.

My life of late has been a mish-mash of sudden changes, unexpected turns, and different situations.What I also must admit is, more often than not, I usually find myself on the selfish side of responding. Selfish because of my greedy, grasping hands which are trying to take over the reins.

Most of us don’t like change. I would say that I do like change, when its change that I “control”. There’s the catch. I control nothing. I’ve noticed that my nervous habits tend towards organizing. When I am restless I inevitability tidy-up my car, computer files, or my sock-drawer. It seems that what I’m searching for is a sense of power, though incredibly small and insignificant in the scheme of eternity.

If the Lord spun the universe into existence and, yet, knows when the smallest sparrow falls in the field – how dare I attempt to usurp his authority? What a foolish pursuit! Certainty is not found in uncertain things, but in God our Father. 

I’ll leave you guys with a song from one of my recent favorites, Jeremy Camp. It functions as my prayer for the night.

“So take this selfish heart of mine/ I want to give it all/ I’ve wasted too much time/And melt away everything that’s not of You”
Unrestrained, by Jeremy Camp

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