All Moms Are Working Moms

As of today, I am a stay at home mom.

Sort of.

I’m stepping down from my full-time position to work a part-time schedule at the same company in order to spend more time with my daughter.

And someone actually said to me, “O so you’re going to work part-time and be a mom part-time?”

Um, no. Not exactly. Not at all, actually.

Being a mom is a full-time gig. End of story.

If my brief stint as a “working mom” has taught me anything, it’s this: all moms are working moms.


When my husband and I got pregnant sooner than we planned, one of my fears was how this change would impact my 9 to 5. I love my job. I work for an awesome company with awesome people and we do awesome stuff. It’s one of those career jobs, you know? The kind of job that you get your degree for. How would my new title as mom jive with my old title as employee? (How She Does It, an eBook by Modern Mrs. Darcy was incredibly helpful in shaping my thoughts about how to make work life work for our family.)

We decided that I would take maternity leave, return to my position, and make a decision.

On my first day back to work I was an emotional train wreck. Handing off your baby is painful. Pumping breastmilk at work is awful. Constantly wondering what your little one is up to in your absence is exhausting. I shared my angst to a non-mom coworker and she replied, “I couldn’t imagine leaving my little one with someone else!”

I couldn’t either.

But I did.

Some moms have to. And some moms want to. It doesn’t make it any easier. And neither mom is no less of a mom because of her decision.

The guilt of ‘working’ moms is astounding. As is the judgement of other moms – ‘working’ or not.

(You’ll notice I keep putting ‘working’ in quote marks. That’s because all moms work. Hard.)

I realize this subject can be divisive, especially in the conservative Christian circles in which I run. Let me just speak to that community for a moment. After much thought, prayer, and searching the Scriptures Ben and I came to the conclusion that the Bible gives us principles in this area, but not hard rules. The most notable mention of a wife being at home is found in Titus 2, and even there it reads that young women should “be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Working at home. Does that mean only working at home? Or working at home and not anywhere else? Remember that the Proverbs 31 Woman “considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard” and she “perceives that her merchandise is profitable.” Aren’t those activities work outside the home? I’m willing to be corrected on this position if I’m in error but, at present, I don’t believe I am.

My husband and I earnestly prayed and sought what The Lord would have us to do. Let me say we do believe that mom being primarily at home and raising the children is a beautiful arrangement, if you can swing it. Why did I decide to continue working at my career job? Because I have a unique set of skills and gifts that I can use to bless others and glorify God in my role as an employee. It’s a mission field, a ministry, and I wasn’t ready to leave. Why did I feel the desire to spend the majority of my week at home raising our child(ren)? Because I think it will bless our family and it’s a way I can glorify God in the high calling of motherhood. It, too, is a ministry. And I made the decision knowing that, if I ever have to choose between the two, family wins.

Which brings me to this distinction of “working” or “not working” moms.

Y’all. Being a mother is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Ever. All moms work! Does a mom who works outside the home love her children less than one who works inside it? Nope. Do both setups – or something in between – have unique perks and struggles? You bet.

The measure of a mom isn’t found in the content of her calendar, but the content of her heart.

It’s true that where we spend our time is where we demonstrate our values, but I can tell you if a full-blown SAHM has a nasty heart her children will likely not be blessed by her presence. Likewise if a mom who wants to keep working at a career as well as her family has a beautiful heart, she will serve her family well.

I guess all I’m trying to say is let’s not exalt one and degrade the other – whichever side of the commute you’re on. Moms are moms. Moms work hard. And moms need just as much Gospel-grace as anyone. So let’s be gracious and give them some.


  1. Catherine on June 3, 2014 at 10:24 am

    This is absolutely wonderful, Victoria, and I’ve struggled a lot with this (not because I’m a mom but because I want to be one someday). I grew up in very conservative circles and as I got older I had to rethink some things…and I still struggle sometimes. Thank you for being honest and saying this so well.

    • Victoria Wilson on June 3, 2014 at 5:53 pm

      O I am so glad it was helpful! Honestly when I write posts like this one, you’re watching me figure out these things too!

  2. Bek on June 3, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Beautifully said, Victoria! I love it. All moms work; the difference is in location and duties. Bravo!

  3. Kim K. on June 3, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    Great post!

  4. Sarah M on June 3, 2014 at 4:07 pm

    I’m glad I didn’t grow up in a church setting where this was the norm (the SAHM is the ONLY way thing). I grew up Catholic and although the family ‘stereotype’, if you will, is to have a LOT of kids, women working or staying at home, and what type of schooling one chose was really not a debated thing. I also grew up with a single parent who HAD to work. No other option. I had a great school experience, and although there are negatives to being in a house with just one parent (of course), I had a wonderful childhood and my mom did an awesome job teaching me in so many aspects, in the limited time she had with me.
    I really think it’s a contentment thing. Why is there such a backlash against one way or another? So we can make ourselves feel good that we’ve made the right decision even when we’re unsure it’s what we should or want to be doing. I am a SAHM and homeschool, and we feel that the pros in both of those regards outweigh our family’s cons. There. Decision made. BUT. What I wouldn’t give to go to work, get praised , have a good income, make friends with coworkers, and FEEL like I was “doing something” instead of getting whined at, doling out discipline, and generally feeling that there is sooo much negative for so little good. The other way around—if I was working, I would probably feel very guilty that I couldn’t put my best towards my family, or that I always felt like everything (work, family, home, etc.) got measly percentages of my focus and commitment, because it’s all stretched in different avenues. I definitely think it’s really hard, either way. And everyone just has to do the best they can do.
    Sarah M

    • Victoria on June 4, 2014 at 8:14 am

      I think you hit the nail on the head, Sarah. We really do try to justify our own decisions by degrading another’s. There are so many joys and challenges in being a full-blown SAHM mom, just as there are being a mom working outside the home from 9-5. Thanks for chiming in!

  5. Celeste on June 4, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    GREAT read, Victoria! You have eloquently hit the nail on the head. Thank you for linking up, girl! I’ve been catching up on some of your posts and I’m loving them!

    • Victoria Wilson on June 5, 2014 at 6:38 am

      O, my pleasure Celeste! I thought YOU hit the nail on the head! Such an important topic. I don’t think we can say it too often. Thank you for writing such an awesome post!

  6. Lesley on June 6, 2014 at 9:22 am

    Excellent point! As women, we are sisters and should exercise grace no matter what our job title is or WHERE it is. After all, moms are all working! Another great blog, and, i must say: Congratulations! I am very proud of you and know – from experience – you will find multitudes of rewards from this decision.

    • Victoria on June 17, 2014 at 4:23 pm

      Let’s here it for moms!!!!!!!!

  7. J. Rae on June 17, 2014 at 4:16 pm

    I find you and your writings entirely wonderful! 🙂

    • Victoria on June 17, 2014 at 4:22 pm

      J. Rae 🙂 You’re too much!

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